


three times loki may or may not have fucked up and one time they didn't

by americangothic



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel
Genre: ALSO the tag is not romantic. dni if u ship them, Autistic Peter Parker, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Legos, loki is vawid, one of his special interests is legos. specifically ninjago. thanks for coming to my ted talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 23:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13154547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americangothic/pseuds/americangothic
Summary: “Verityyyyy,” Loki announced as she heelied through the door. “I fucked up.”"Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure Spiderman isn't an official Avenger. Second, I'm not an official Avenger. Third of all, the only time I've ever talked to Tony about him, I mistakenly assumed he was Tony’s illegitimate spider-son.” Verity snorted. “And finally, I have no idea what to get him."





	three times loki may or may not have fucked up and one time they didn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whichlights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichlights/gifts).



> merry christmas loki and peter are not cis

“Verityyyyy,” Loki announced as she heelied through the door. “I fucked up.”

The former turned to her roommate and raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the heelies. “Alright, one, great shoe choice. I love it. Second, how much trouble are you in and who did you blame?” Loki scoffed at Verity’s assumptions. 

“I didn't do anything. Thor thought it would be funny to sign me up for the Avengers tradition of ‘Secret Santa’, whatever that is.” She paused for a moment. “Actually, it sounds a bit like Odin's Framlag. It took way too much convincing, but he made me do it. But still,” Loki stared directly at Verity. “Whoever was assigning gift givers and receivers gave me Spiderman.  _ Spi-der-man _ .”

Verity narrowed her eyes. “So… why is this a problem?” The Norse god began dramatically counting on her fingers.

“First of all, I'm pretty sure Spiderman isn't an official Avenger. Second,  _ I'm _ not an official Avenger. Third of all, the only time I've ever talked to Tony about him, I mistakenly assumed he was Tony’s illegitimate son.” Verity snorted. “And finally, I have no idea what to get him.I was thinking about like, an Amazon gift card or something, and then someone said that we couldn't do gift cards or money because it was too easy. Y’know, the one with red hair and looks like she could kill me?”

Loki’s long-suffering roommate looked at the former, now draped across her lap, and sighed. “That was Pepper, I assume. I think Black Widow went blonde or something...” Verity’s voice trailed off as she pulled up a tab on her phone.

“What are you doing?” Loki asked, craning her neck to see. “Looking at the various Spiderman fan twitters I follow. There's one that calculates where he might be patrolling tonight.”

Loki shrugged and rolled off of the couch, springing up and nearly losing her balance on the heelies. “Eh. I might just ask Tony or something.” She grimaced, then looked back at Verity. “Or go see Spiderman in action? Maybe?”

Verity shrugged. “He's supposed to be in Forest Hills tonight, so good luck.” Loki grinned and heelied away backward, accidentally hitting her head on the doorway before turning around and leaving. Verity rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer.

* * *

”What does Spiderman like?” Loki mused to himself as he rifled through a bag of chips for the best ones. “Spiders, obviously, and… being a man. That's not really an interest, though.” The mental image popped up in his head of Spiderman naruto running through the “For Him" section of Walmart and Loki snorted. Bad idea, Loki. The Norse god started choking on Fritos and had to sit down on a cold park bench before he fell over.

“Hey!” someone shouted in the distance! “Is that Loki?” Loki rolled his eyes and looked up, recovered from his coughing fit. Nobody was there, just a closed deli and a bookstore with two employees in it.

Then Spiderman jumped onto his back. Loki cringed and whirled around, trying to shake the man who was apparently about as heavy as a high schooler. 

...Huh.

“Get  _ off _  of me!” Loki muttered, eventually shaking Spiderman off his back. “ _ Thank _ you.” The vigilante popped back up in front of him and nearly ran at him again before Loki stepped to the side. “Ow!” Spiderman shouted as he tumbled over the bench. Loki bit back a chuckle.

“Why are you jumping on random people's backs at parks?” he asked, more out of curiosity than anger. “Didn't you hear I was a good guy now?” Spiderman straightened up and cocked his head. “Really?” he asked, and Loki was taken aback by how  _ childlike  _ he sounded. “Karen, is Loki good now?”

Loki frowned. “My name's not Karen?” he said, more to himself then to Spiderman. Spiderman nodded and looked at Loki. “Karen says you're good, so you're good.” 

“...Alright then. You put  _ way _ too much in your suit Siri, or whatever.” Tony had told him about the AI that sounded more like a baby monitor- Loki was beginning to get why- that he had put in Spiderman's suit. Spiderman audibly rolled his eyes (he didn't actually, but Loki imagined him doing that).

“So why are you out and about on this fine December night slash very early morning, Loki?” Spiderman asked. He had stepped forward from where he was perched on the back of the bench and now stood in front of Loki, which would be more threatening if he wasn't 5’6 to Loki’s 6 foot something. “Ah, looking for you, because-” Loki began.

Spiderman interrupted, his eyes widening. “Ooh, really? Why?” 

“Well, your, ah, Secret Santa asked me to… ask you what you wanted for your Christmas gift.” 

Loki felt a bit awkward at this point, because he was asking a teenager dressed in spandex- high-tech spandex, but still spandex- about what he wanted. 

“Okay, uh, um. This is weird.” Spiderman stated Loki's thoughts exactly. “Well, I kinda want Legos, but no pressure-"

“What kind?” Loki interrupted, perhaps faster than he should have. Spiderman looked kind of nervous- Loki couldn't actually see his face, but body language. “Uh, Ninjago, I guess. Do you know what that is? It's like, this show about, uh, lego ninjas, and-" 

“Alright, no need to recite the plot and script of every season,” Loki said. Spiderman’s shoulders slumped and Loki realized, for the second time that day, that he fucked up. “Maybe, ah, tell your Secret Santa? I can pass the message along about Ninjoga.”

“Ninjago,” Spiderman corrected. Loki nodded. “Yes. Yes, that's what I said.”

“Okay… uh. Bye?” the vigilante said. 

Loki nodded, and Spiderman took that as his cue to leave. He ran out of the park until he reached an office building, scaling it quickly and swooping onward to whatever was next on his agenda. 

“Ninjago,” Loki repeated under his breath before turning to head home. Loki didn't know how to wrap presents, and it was painfully obvious. 

“Ah  _ shit _ ,” she murmured as the tape folded over on itself again. Verity silently handed her another piece of tape without looking up from her book. “Thanks, Ver.” 

While using her elbow to hold down the flimsy paper decorated with snowflakes, Loki managed to tape the side of the box to the table.

“I think I'm gonna cry,” she announced. Verity handed her another piece of tape.

* * *

Loki arrived at the Avengers Tower with a suspiciously rectangular box and cursing the very concept of gender. Tucking the box under their- guess it was a they day, then- arm, Loki rang the doorbell. “Hewwo?” Loki called. “It's so vewwy cold out here!” 

Tony opened the door and told them they were uninvited. 

Loki came in anyway.

“Alright, so I'm hoping that Spiderman likes legos and he didn't just tell me that because he was panicking, cause I got him legos.” Loki told Tony as they walked to the gift table together. Tony’s eyes widened slightly, and Loki very sternly told themselves to stop watching Tony’s eyes, however blue they might be.

“Ohhh, if you bought Spidey legos he will pledge his life to you,” the inventor whispered conspiratorially. Luckily, the one (1) other person in the room- his name is Bruce, maybe? Loki’s not actually sure- doesn't seem to be listening. “He said Ninjago the other day when he jumped on me, so I got him the one with the masks and the flower seller. I don't actually know anything about Ninjago,” they replied, setting down the gift.

Tony grinned. “It's alright. He's- wait, did you say that he  _ jumped on you _ -"

The Norse god shrugged. “I mean, it was the first time we ever talked. And I could've been a pickpocket or something, you never know. God of trickery and all that.” Tony still huffed, opening his mouth to say something before Spiderman himself ran up. 

“Hi, Mr. St- Tony! I'm here a little bit late, sorry about that…” he said, immediately beginning to ramble about his day. Loki nearly laughed, seeing the teen in his spider suit complete with a little Santa hat on top, before remembering that laughing at younger people was a Bad Thing To Do™. 

“Alright, kid, slow your roll.” Tony said before turning to Loki. “Introductions…?”

“Hi, you already know me. I'm Loki, god of being a little bitch and goddess of stories. Also-" 

“Are you wearing heelies?” Spiderman interrupted.

Loki looked from Tony to his young spider apprentice before sighing and nodding. “Yes. How you knew that before I knew anything about you other than ‘probably a teenager’ and ‘likes legos’, I have no idea. But there you go.” They were still trying to figure out if the heelies comment was trying to change the topic or just how Spiderman talked.

Spidey just stared for a moment before turning to Tony and saying “I thought you wouldn't tell anybody!” Tony raised his hands in a deflecting-blame way. “Hey, I didn't tell Loki,” he said.

Spiderman looked at Loki questioningly, which was surprising seeing as he was wearing a mask. That must be uncomfortable, Loki thought before being jolted forward by an arm slung around their shoulders.

“Hello, family!” Thor shouted as he inserted himself into the group. Loki grimaced and turned to their brother. “Hello, Thor. How are you doing on this fine Christmas Eve?” 

Thor grinned, and Loki realize that the hand not around their shoulder held a mug of what was likely eggnog with Asgardian rum in it. “Fuck, you've contaminated the eggnog,” they groaned.

Spiderman looked from Tony to Thor nervously. “Wait, did Thor poison us?” he asked.

Thor laughed, clapping a hand on Spiderman’s shoulder (softer than he used to do with Loki when they were kids, the latter noticed). “Of course not, young man of spiders! I've simply improved the quality of my mugful by adding my homemade brew.” Loki pretended to gag, at which Tony bit back a chuckle. 

The next few hours passed in a blur of talking to people and awkward conversations about pronouns and Loki and Clint- the arrow guy Loki brainwashed once- generally avoiding each other. Eventually the redhead who looked like she could kill Loki stood up and clinked a spoon against a glass. Loki preferred that over their brother's usual method of smashing a full mug of mead on the ground and yelling really loudly until everyone looked at him.

The assembled group of heroes all streamed to the gift table, retrieving their gifts and tracking down their recipient. A man dressed entirely in shitty Christmas clothing walked up to Loki and shook their hand, smiling with his mouth but not his eyes. Loki related. 

“I had no clue what you wanted, sorry, man. I got you a gift card and some socks.” Loki shrugged. “That's fair. Thanks… Sam,” they replied, craning their neck to read the tag on the bunched up wrapping paper. In the background, Tony was losing his shit over the tape of Captain America’s Greatest Hits, a gift from the star spangled man himself. Steve didn't look too happy to have just given Tony a huge piece of blackmail.

Loki made their way across the room to Spiderman, awkwardly handing him the gift and standing hopefully not too menacingly next to him. “It turns out I wasn't asking for a friend after all,” they said. Spiderman giggled slightly, and Loki had another moment of “how old is this kid seriously".

“Holy shit!” he cried a moment later. Various members of the team said “Language" without looking over at the guilty party, while Steve looked even more exasperated. Spiderman stared at the half-unwrapped box in his hands, and Loki suddenly worried that they'd fucked up for a third time. 

“Are you crying?” Loki asked a bit hesitantly as Spiderman gingerly unwrapped the rest of the box. “A little bit,” Spiderman answered. Loki looked over at Thor, because  _ fuck they broke the child _ , but Thor was busy talking to the scientist guy Loki had seen earlier.

“Sorry, sorry,” Spiderman said a few moments later after taking some time to compose himself. “It's just- you actually got me legos. Holy shit. I. Wow.”

Loki was confused at this point, but they shrugged and went with it. “I mean, you said you wanted them.” 

“Holy shit, Loki, you got the set with  _ Micah _ ? I would die for you.” Spiderman stood up and tried to stare Loki in the eyes. He failed. “I want you to know I would live, die, and kill for you.” 

Loki looked around nervously. They may have just started a lego cult. 

Spiderman laughed, looking away. “Haha, no. I'm sleep-deprived and may or may not have had a drink. Maybe two. Please don't take me up on my previous offer.” Loki was all too willing to ignore Spidey’s pledge, and nudged the lego set with their foot.

“So… I guess you really like legos, huh?” they asked. Spiderman’s eyes lit up and he started talking animatedly, hands waving and eventually just flapping at his sides as he told Loki all about the first healthy gay relationship in a lego cartoon. Loki nodded, not absorbing a single word Spidey was saying. However, the vigilante was having fun, so they were completely willing to let him infodump until he was kicked out and driven home.

Speak of the devil. Tony walked over, grinning at Loki and Spiderman as they sat on the ground, the latter still rambling on about something to do with snakes and golden weapons. “Alright, kid. Time to head home,” Tony said. Spiderman jumped, spinning around to see Tony and relaxing almost immediately. “Oh, come on!” he whined. “It's barely eleven, and I don't have school tomorrow!”

“If you're not in bed, Santa won't come,” Tony warned. Spiderman looked at Tony and then at Loki as if to say “ _ Are you seeing this _ ?” Loki shrugged.

“Fine,” Spidey huffed before getting off the floor, taking the santa hat that fell off during his excited rant and the lego set with him. “I'll see y'all later!” he said, waving to the room at large as he walked backwards through the doorway.

* * *

 

Loki waved back at him.”Hey,” Verity greeted them when they flopped down on the couch next to her. “How was it?”

Loki shrugged. “Mmmm. I made a friend. He's like, 15 and he likes legos. Also, I learned that Thor ate everything on the Cracker Barrel menu once.” They looked at Verity with despair in their eyes. “I don't even know what Cracker Barrel is.”

Verity nodded. “Cracker Barrel is a gourmet restaurant, very fancy and prestigious.” Loki raised an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged. “I'm glad you made a friend, too. What kind of legos does he like?”

Loki yawned, stretching and waving their hand vaguely in the air. “Ninjago. It's a show about snakes and ninjas.”

“Cool,” Verity said. “I'm gonna go to bed.” 

Loki nodded. “Have fun. I'm gonna go make sure that Spiderman isn't patrolling drunk on Christmas Eve at like, 1 am.” Their roommate stopped and stared at them. “You're not serious.” “Unfortunately, I am,” Loki said.

“Well, fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> ive written for marvel like 3 times before so sorry if this is ooc


End file.
